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| Corrie Ten Boom, A holocaust survivor who preached forgiveness. An incredible woman. |
In the past few years I have taken a journey. One where I have enjoyed studying slices of the gospel and examining what I thought were simple principles. It has been a delightful and eye opening experience.
One principle that I set out thinking I knew but realized shortly after that I didn't was "Forgiveness" or "Forgiving others".
I realize that I have greatly misunderstood this principle. I thought that "forgiveness" or "forgiving others" was a gift that we gave. I didn't realize that it was actually a gift given to us by the spirit. This realization has caused a great paradigm shift for me. The following are some thoughts that I have had in my studies about forgiveness. A small disclaimer is that I am still learning.
True forgiveness, will bring us closer to the Savior.
True forgiveness is a form of Charity. Charity is the pure Love of Christ and is an "absolute forgiveness" which according to Spencer W Kimball is that we no longer feel the emotional bitterness of the offense of those that we are forgiving.
I can't help but think that we were sent down here to an imperfect world speckled with people with abundant faults so that we can learn forgiveness and put it into practice. In this process we learn the pure Love of the Savior and get a glimpse into what he did for us. True forgiveness does forget in a sense that we are released from the hard feelings that we hold. We are freed. Forgiveness is rarely for the other party, it is a balm to our own souls and sometimes it is our greatest test in this life. I feel that the Holy Ghost not only has the power to cleanse us from sin but miraculously free us from hard feelings we feel as well.
True forgiveness is a form of Charity. Charity is the pure Love of Christ and is an "absolute forgiveness" which according to Spencer W Kimball is that we no longer feel the emotional bitterness of the offense of those that we are forgiving.
I can't help but think that we were sent down here to an imperfect world speckled with people with abundant faults so that we can learn forgiveness and put it into practice. In this process we learn the pure Love of the Savior and get a glimpse into what he did for us. True forgiveness does forget in a sense that we are released from the hard feelings that we hold. We are freed. Forgiveness is rarely for the other party, it is a balm to our own souls and sometimes it is our greatest test in this life. I feel that the Holy Ghost not only has the power to cleanse us from sin but miraculously free us from hard feelings we feel as well.
True forgiveness is not a gift we give to others. It is Charity and is a gift given to us from the Savior.
As forgiveness is a form of Charity it is a gift that we feel and it is given to us by the Savior. People often confuse forgiving and charity as things that we give away but I think that these are both more gifts that we are given. The language of the scriptures talks of being “clothed”with the bonds of charity, or the “mantle” of charity. These words teach us that it is actually something that becomes a part of us. We cannot reach it by our own merit and cannot force it upon ourselves. It is not something we give away it is something that we become and it is a gift of the spirit and is bestowed upon us. Unfortunately we cannot mark off a checklist and wait for it to come but we can align our will with the Father and pray for it and when we are worthy it will come.
It may not "seem" possible for us to be released from the bondage and the hard feelings that we feel when others have hurt us. We think that we will never have a capacity to release these feelings but we can and it is promised to us. It is a miracle, probably one of the greatest miracles that can happen to our souls. Forgiveness needs to be done with pure intent. It must be done without using it as a status symbol. If we proclaim forgiveness with the slightest intent of showing others that we are the bigger person this true feeling of forgiveness and gift of charity will not come or not stay. The spirit knows the intent of our souls. Charity is the opposite of pride and any pride that we have may interfere with our qualification by the spirit for charity.
It may not "seem" possible for us to be released from the bondage and the hard feelings that we feel when others have hurt us. We think that we will never have a capacity to release these feelings but we can and it is promised to us. It is a miracle, probably one of the greatest miracles that can happen to our souls. Forgiveness needs to be done with pure intent. It must be done without using it as a status symbol. If we proclaim forgiveness with the slightest intent of showing others that we are the bigger person this true feeling of forgiveness and gift of charity will not come or not stay. The spirit knows the intent of our souls. Charity is the opposite of pride and any pride that we have may interfere with our qualification by the spirit for charity.
We are commanded to forgive no matter what.
The Lord tells us that he will forgive who he pleases but to us we are commanded to forgive all. Even the 70 X 7 number is not a real set number but it is meant to be more times than we can keep track of. We should also not set our forgiveness with conditions or gauge our forgiveness by the other party’s response otherwise it is not true forgiveness. We should not set up requirements of how anyone should respond to our forgiveness or only forgive them if they act a certain way. This is not charity.
I have a college friend who told me about how her mother had been murdered a few years before. As she told me the story tears flowed freely from both of us. She recounted how she forgiveness isn't always a single act. After it happened she felt the true spirit of forgiveness for the person who had done it but as the days past she missed her mother dearly and she found herself sometimes having to remake that decision. She described forgiveness as an attitude rather than a single act.
The Lord tells us that he will forgive who he pleases but to us we are commanded to forgive all. Even the 70 X 7 number is not a real set number but it is meant to be more times than we can keep track of. We should also not set our forgiveness with conditions or gauge our forgiveness by the other party’s response otherwise it is not true forgiveness. We should not set up requirements of how anyone should respond to our forgiveness or only forgive them if they act a certain way. This is not charity.
I have a college friend who told me about how her mother had been murdered a few years before. As she told me the story tears flowed freely from both of us. She recounted how she forgiveness isn't always a single act. After it happened she felt the true spirit of forgiveness for the person who had done it but as the days past she missed her mother dearly and she found herself sometimes having to remake that decision. She described forgiveness as an attitude rather than a single act.
Steps of Repentance and seeking forgiveness are different then forgiving others.
Forgiving others is different than repentance or seeking forgiveness from the Lord. When we repent one step to our personal forgiveness from the Lord is seeking to repair any damage that we have done. We try to correct our wrongs with those that we have hurt. If we have stolen money we try to repay it. But sometimes we do not need to restore anything to others when seeking repentance of the Lord. If it is hard feelings that we have had, that we are seeking repentance for, and have kept our thoughts to ourselves, and the other person is unaware of them, then we do not need to share these feelings with them in order to be forgiven since they have not been hurt by us yet and by sharing them will hurt them in the process.
When we forgive others we often confuse this step of repentance or seeking forgiveness with the Lord with a step of forgiving and we think that it is a requirement for us to share our feelings with the other party in order to forgive them. If the person has asked for forgiveness then it is appropriate to share that we are forgiving them but for the most part forgiving is for us and not for the other party. Forgiveness is between us and the spirit instead of us and the other person. If action by the other party was required than we would not be able to properly forgive people who have passed on or those that do not care to be forgiven.
Forgiving others is different than repentance or seeking forgiveness from the Lord. When we repent one step to our personal forgiveness from the Lord is seeking to repair any damage that we have done. We try to correct our wrongs with those that we have hurt. If we have stolen money we try to repay it. But sometimes we do not need to restore anything to others when seeking repentance of the Lord. If it is hard feelings that we have had, that we are seeking repentance for, and have kept our thoughts to ourselves, and the other person is unaware of them, then we do not need to share these feelings with them in order to be forgiven since they have not been hurt by us yet and by sharing them will hurt them in the process.
When we forgive others we often confuse this step of repentance or seeking forgiveness with the Lord with a step of forgiving and we think that it is a requirement for us to share our feelings with the other party in order to forgive them. If the person has asked for forgiveness then it is appropriate to share that we are forgiving them but for the most part forgiving is for us and not for the other party. Forgiveness is between us and the spirit instead of us and the other person. If action by the other party was required than we would not be able to properly forgive people who have passed on or those that do not care to be forgiven.
There is a great example of this with the Savior. We personally are only aware of a small bit (a speck) of our own sins that we have been forgiven of through Christ. Many of our sins are our thoughts, insensitivities to others, and tendencies that are a result our environments or natures. The Savior has already paid the price for all of them. We are required to forgive others whether the other person knows or not. In very specific cases we can take the person aside and tell them but that is the exception and not the rule.
Forgiveness is an individual sport and does not require any action from the other party. In fact, when it is done in secret and "not on the street corners" it can be a beautiful thing. Sometimes in seeking to tell people that we are forgiving them we unknowingly seek to hurt them or seek retribution for ourselves which is not forgiveness. True forgiveness comes without requirements and is between us and the Lord.
Forgiveness is an individual sport and does not require any action from the other party. In fact, when it is done in secret and "not on the street corners" it can be a beautiful thing. Sometimes in seeking to tell people that we are forgiving them we unknowingly seek to hurt them or seek retribution for ourselves which is not forgiveness. True forgiveness comes without requirements and is between us and the Lord.
Corrie Ten Boom- A Holocaust survivor, preached forgiveness but it was when she came face to face with one of her captors that she was given the gift "to forgive". Her experience is an amazing reminder that we all can be given this gift no matter how great the offense. This experience is found in several LDS church manuals.
Corrie Ten Boom Story on Forgiving
“It was in a church in Munich that I saw him—a balding, heavyset man in a gray overcoat, a brown felt hat clutched between his hands. People were filing out of the basement room where I had just spoken, moving along the rows of wooden chairs to the door at the rear. It was 1947 and I had come from Holland to defeated Germany with the message that God forgives.
“It was the truth they needed most to hear in that bitter, bombed-out land, and I gave them my favorite mental picture. Maybe because the sea is never far from a Hollander’s mind, I liked to think that that’s where forgiven sins were thrown. ‘When we confess our sins,’ I said, ‘God casts them into the deepest ocean, gone forever. …’
“The solemn faces stared back at me, not quite daring to believe. There were never questions after a talk in Germany in 1947. People stood up in silence, in silence collected their wraps, in silence left the room.
“And that’s when I saw him, working his way forward against the others. One moment I saw the overcoat and the brown hat; the next, a blue uniform and a visored cap with its skull and crossbones. It came back with a rush: the huge room with its harsh overhead lights; the pathetic pile of dresses and shoes in the center of the floor; the shame of walking naked past this man. I could see my sister’s frail form ahead of me, ribs sharp beneath the parchment skin. Betsie, how thin you were!
[Betsie and I had been arrested for concealing Jews in our home during the Nazi occupation of Holland; this man had been a guard at Ravensbruck concentration camp where we were sent.]
“Now he was in front of me, hand thrust out: ‘A fine message, Fräulein! How good it is to know that, as you say, all our sins are at the bottom of the sea!’
“And I, who had spoken so glibly of forgiveness, fumbled in my pocketbook rather than take that hand. He would not remember me, of course—how could he remember one prisoner among those thousands of women?
“But I remembered him and the leather crop swinging from his belt. I was face-to-face with one of my captors and my blood seemed to freeze.
“ ‘You mentioned Ravensbruck in your talk,’ he was saying, ‘I was a guard there.’ No, he did not remember me.
“ ‘But since that time,’ he went on, ‘I have become a Christian. I know that God has forgiven me for the cruel things I did there, but I would like to hear it from your lips as well. Fräulein,’ again the hand came out—’will you forgive me?’
“And I stood there—I whose sins had again and again to be forgiven—and could not forgive. Betsie had died in that place—could he erase her slow terrible death simply for the asking?
“It could not have been many seconds that he stood there—hand held out—but to me it seemed hours as I wrestled with the most difficult thing I had ever had to do.
“For I had to do it—I knew that. The message that God forgives has a prior condition: that we forgive those who have injured us. ‘If you do not forgive men their trespasses,’ Jesus says, ‘neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.’
“I knew it not only as a commandment of God, but as a daily experience. Since the end of the war I had had a home in Holland for victims of Nazi brutality. Those who were able to forgive their former enemies were able also to return to the outside world and rebuild their lives, no matter what the physical scars. Those who nursed their bitterness remained invalids. It was as simple and as horrible as that.
“And still I stood there with the coldness clutching my heart. But forgiveness is not an emotion—I knew that too. Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart. ‘… Help!’ I prayed silently. ‘I can lift my hand. I can do that much. You supply the feeling.’
“And so woodenly, mechanically, I thrust my hand into the one stretched out to me. And as I did, an incredible thing took place. The current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm, sprang into our joined hands. And then this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being, bringing tears to my eyes.
“ ‘I forgive you, brother!’ I cried. ‘With all my heart!’
“For a long moment we grasped each other’s hands, the former guard and the former prisoner. I had never known God’s love so intensely, as I did then”
(excerpted from “I’m Still Learning to Forgive” by Corrie ten Boom. Reprinted by permission from Guideposts Magazine. Copyright © 1972 by Guideposts Associates, Inc., Carmel, New York 10512>).
Scriptures:
D&C 64:9-10, Matthew 6:14-15, 18:21-22, 1 Nephi 7:16-21, Spencer W Kimball Manual, Forgiving others with all our hearts.
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