During this past General Conference Elder Andersen extended a challenge to share our thoughts and testimonies of Joseph Smith with others even those within our faith. I wrote mine in a form of a post.
Doubts about Joseph Smith
My questions about Joseph Smith started very young. I read the Bible and Book of Mormon regularly at a young age but I came to a crossroads when I was 17. I realized I viewed Joseph Smith skeptically. When I read anything about him I judged his intentions. I, however, firmly believed the Book of Mormon. In fact, I had countless prayers answered by reading the Book of Mormon. I had several experiences where its words had given me peace, guidance and knowledge. Despite believing the Book of Mormon I didn't believe Joseph Smith. These two views conflicted and since I had received answers and divine guidance in the past I knelt down and prayed about it. I wanted to know if he was a prophet of God. While on my knees I didn't get a clear answer but I felt that my answer would come.
The answer came a week later
The week following this prayer I had a lesson from the spirit tailored just for me that I would never forget and that would solidify my feelings and calm my doubts about Joseph Smith.
I experienced a trial that as a teenage girl was one of the hardest trials that I encountered up to that time. My honor was being questioned by a few peers and it was about something that I had not done. I knew it and I knew God knew it. Despite knowing who I was and that I had indeed made the right decision I still cared about what others thought of me and it was troubling. One night I knelt in prayer on my bedroom floor seeking comfort. As I prayed the thought came to me to open my scriptures. I randomly flipped to an account in Joseph Smith History. I read about the persecutions that Joseph suffered after claiming that he had had a vision in which he saw God the Father and Jesus Christ. He explained how he felt like Paul pleading his case before King Agrippa. That he had indeed seen a vision and that he knew it and God knew it and would not deny it. The more I read the more I felt like I could have written a close version of it myself. The words he used explained the exact feelings of my heart and in that moment I had an awesome experience as my comfortless heart seemed to turn warm. The trial of the last week came to my mind as I remembered the prayer that I had said on my knees just a week before to know if Joseph Smith was a prophet of God. This was my answer. I could feel that his words were sincere and that his story was true. I also felt like God was very mindful of me in answering my previous prayer. When I began to pray that night with a broken heart and seeking comfort I did not expect that my prayer would end in a confirmation that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God. As hard as this trial was for me at that time I would never trade it because of what I learned that night on my knees.No other lesson could have taught me like this one had about the sincerity of Joseph’s story and that God wanted me to accept it.
Still firm
This experience may not make sense to others. You may think that a well meaning girl of 17 could easily be deceived but I know more now than ever that I was not. I boldly still stand and share my testimony of Joseph Smith as a prophet of God. After serving a mission for my church, attending graduate school, reading literature and addressing many things about him and against him I still stand firm that he was a prophet of God. I know the fruits of the spirit. I know that I have experienced them in this. I have felt at peace and I know my Savior so much more through the things that Joseph restored. Some may say that our feelings can lead us astray but I have countless examples when the feelings of my heart, especially those of this nature, even against all my current knowledge led me undoubtedly in the right direction.
The fruit
The scriptures tell us that by their fruits we "shall know them". Perhaps the greatest testimony of him as the prophet of the restoration has come 21 yrs after this experience, as I reflect on my life. I have had a full and blessed life. I have served with all my heart, I have loved deeply and I have lived clean. I have learned forgiveness, repentance, charity and faith. I am not perfect by any definition and have also experienced loss, imperfection and have been given the gift of Hope. I have studied day after day and sat Sunday after Sunday listening to the words restored by Joseph in conjunction with other scripture. I have lived them. I have "pressed forward" in effort to be better. The blessings and the guidance that has come as a result has been like a flowing river. I have indeed felt direction from heaven. I have lived my life according to the things that I have learned and I have felt a great sense of peace. My life is the fruit of what Joseph restored. If anyone knows me and believes I am even a little good or that my life is good, I am the fruit of what Joseph Smith brought to my life. It has helped form who I am.
Recent essays
Some may suppose that I don't know all there is to know about Joseph Smith. You are right, I don't but I know God does and I trust him. I already knew most of the information released in recent essays about Joseph Smith by the LDS church through my previous studies but a few things were new to me. I was grateful to see the essays and happy to have some clarity on a few things. As I have prayed about it I have had a great sense of peace. I am okay with it, completely okay and I can't explain entirely why. By working in marketing I try to avoid being persuaded by taglines and media hooks that sensationalize certain information while under emphasizing or ignoring other important facts. I have my theories or reasons why things were done the way they were (I have an unpublished post about this that I will share at a later time) but despite my theories I trust God and I trust in the answers that I have already had.
I think we are facing a polarizing time in which certain ideas will separate believers in the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. These will be seemingly “noble” causes and convincingly popular ideas. It will give people who want “out” a "noble" reason to leave and challenge even the best of souls. I think we will see the separating of the wheat from the tares as prophesied in the scriptures. I often wondered how even the elect would be challenged in the last days and now I think I understand. But I feel that if I stay close to God and if I "treasure up" his word and seek answers diligently and look past my current culture and into the eternities I will not be "deceived" (JST Matthew 37) and things will work out.
I have lived a half of lifetime according to the feelings of my heart and the knowledge that I feel I have received and it has taken me on this path and I am so grateful. I am sure there are many others have had happy lives and positive experiences who believe differently than me but I know my own and I feel really good about where I am and where I have arrived. I feel a strong sense of peace and joy in my life because of the direction that I felt I was given at age 17. These are my experiences, personal thoughts and feelings about Joseph Smith.
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