(This was a talk/testimony I gave in stake conference this past weekend and wasn't meant to be in written-blog-form but here it is. Please pardon all the grammar errors until I can find time to edit. :)
While on a mission, in Spain, 20 years ago, my trainer companion Sister Sancho would share her testimony. She was the only member in her family and in a land that only had the gospel available for a mere 20 years she had been converted through an extraordinary angel-like experience. When she would share her conversion and I was expected to follow up with mine I would feel intimidated but I was taught through the spirit that I was not to feel like this. That my conversion to the gospel, although different from hers, was just as important and valuable.
My experience though not angel-like was pearl-like.
I use the parable of a pearl when explaining to my children how I came to know the truths of the gospel that I hold dear and that anchor me to the principles in which I live my life.
An oyster for example has a problem. The oyster has a grain of sand stuck in its shell which acts as an irritant. This oyster works on this grain of sand slowly, day after day, layer after layer until he covers over this grain of sand and turns it smooth. Making this problem a pearl.
This is how I feel with my experience with the gospel. I have had various problems which I have brought before the Lord. And the Lord, line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little, there a little and taught me. Some grains of sand have been hard trials, some have been questions and the Lord has worked with me through scriptures, through revelations, through promptings and unique experiences. He has had time to work with me and sediment a slow, layered process of conversion which defines who I have become. I may not have had a missionary knock on my door but the spirit has knocked on my heart. My missionary was the Holy Ghost and the Book of Mormon.
I grew up in the church. With goodly parents. We were expected to go to church and live principles of honesty, respect and hard work. I had a Sunday school teacher in my youth who challenged us, as young girls, to read the Book of Mormon every day for thirty minutes. This soft spoken women told us it would become a habit if we did this. I took this challenge and I read the Book of Mormon every day and it did become a habit.
I remember being surprised when I read that Nephi died. I couldn't believe it! I had thought that he wrote the entire book of Mormon. I knew so little about what really laid in its pages when I first read it.
As I read, answers to daily struggles often seemed to come at the right time. Like when one of my friends read my journal. I was young and this was a big deal to me. That night I read the words of Christ when he was talking to the Nephites and he said “Forgive men of their trespasses and our Father which art in heaven will forgive you for your trespasses.” I didn’t know what a trespass was but I figured it was like a sin and I knew it was a message from Heavenly Father that I was supposed to forgive this friend and so I did.
I remember being surprised when I read that Nephi died. I couldn't believe it! I had thought that he wrote the entire book of Mormon. I knew so little about what really laid in its pages when I first read it.
As I read, answers to daily struggles often seemed to come at the right time. Like when one of my friends read my journal. I was young and this was a big deal to me. That night I read the words of Christ when he was talking to the Nephites and he said “Forgive men of their trespasses and our Father which art in heaven will forgive you for your trespasses.” I didn’t know what a trespass was but I figured it was like a sin and I knew it was a message from Heavenly Father that I was supposed to forgive this friend and so I did.
I continued to read in the scriptures every day through my teenage years. And it was incredible. The Lord guided my life. I once was put in a bad situation and the scripture “Stand ye in Holy Places.” kept running through my mind. I got out of that situation. Over and over again this things occurred. I can’t even begin to share all the beautiful experiences I had with the scriptures as a youth.
One experience I did not want to share but praying about it I felt compelled to share was my testimony of Joseph Smith.
To be honest I didn’t always have a strong conviction of him as a prophet. I had grown very fond of the Book of Mormon and its power in my life and knew it was of God but I realized that everytime I read about Joseph Smith or discussed him in seminary I had feelings of disbelief. I knew these feelings did not correspond together. So one night I took the matter to the Lord. I asked him in humble prayer to help me know more fully the truth about Joseph Smith. If he was a true prophet of God I didn’t want to doubt anymore.
I left my prayer feeling like I could leave it in the hands of the Lord.
That week I had a hard teenage experience that left me feeling very sad. Feeling overwhelmed and without comfort I turned to the scriptures and ended up flipping to Joseph Smith history. Joseph recounted how he felt like Paul telling his story before King Agrippa. As I read the words they reflected, in my soul exactly how I felt at that time with the trial I was going through and I felt the conviction that was behind them. I knew that Joseph's words about his own trial were sincere and I felt a spiritual confirmation of their truth. I now knew that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God.
I realized that this was the answer to the prayer that I had said a week before.
Many more experiences have been layered to create my pearls, the same pearls that made me feel like I wanted to do a heel click when president Buck first asked me to share my testimony. Pearls of great price. Pearls whose value does not rest in their density but in their layering process over time.
To sum up why I believe, I believe because I choose to believe. A process that has never been forced upon me at any time. But as I have chosen carefully to believe, day after day, line upon line, precept upon precept, obedience upon obedience a power which is not my own has been with me. Something that is not my own has come upon me and I can strongly testify that I know that God lives that, Jesus Christ lives, that even if an angel had appeared unto me and declared it I would not have a stronger conviction than what I have with the process of obedience that I have been through. I have learned there is no timeline on Moroni’s promise about the Book of Mormon. Personal revelation paired with experience is more fortifying than almost any immediate spiritual manifestation. We came here for a mortal experience.
I am not perfect. This life is not perfect. We were not meant to live a life of ease, without trial, without temptation, without awkward situations. That was satan's plan. God’s plan was to have bumps in the road, to, again, walk the refiners fire, to have a mortal experience. For in this process we walk the path towards perfection leading us closer to the goal of having a prize in which we obtain a more fullness of Joy.
I know God lives. I know my Heavenly Father loves me and is mindful of me. I know Christ has atoned for my sins and has offered me redemption. I am grateful for this opportunity to share my pearls of great price and why I believe.
No comments:
Post a Comment