Saving a Marriage, Captain Moroni Style

The first year of our marriage was pretty rough. It is no secret for those around us that my husband and I had married quickly, something that I would not recommend to others. I'm not sure what came over me or him or both of us.  We both had dated others and served missions for our church. We actually met after our missions at the MTC (Missionary Training Center). I applied for a job to become a teacher, it was a job I always wanted. He was the interviewer. I will spare the details but although I was interested in my interviewer (which was strange for me. I can confidently say that I was always attracted to personality and that seemed to take a while, but he had me right away) it would have been unprofessional for me or him to state any interest in the interview and honestly I would have been just a little creeped out if he called me off of my resume.

I prayed in the interview that it would happen some other way. And it did. A few days later a guy that I had dated on and off for years, Ryan Hales, called me to set me up with Jared. Jared after the interview had walked right to another classroom to find his only friend from my home town, who was Ryan, and made the arrangements for the set up.

I was happy and excited to go with Jared. I was 22 he was 24 which in Utah Mormon years, at the time, meant old. In the next month we were engaged and then three months later we were married and moved to Africa (a story for another day). Which could have been a complete nightmare, again I don't recommend it but I lucked out that he really was a great guy.

Our first year we both had one blaring question on our minds "What in the world did I get myself into?" I had married a complete stranger. Yes I felt good about it, yes he met my meticulous checklist and yes I had looked for the small and simple things that he did like faithful home teaching, his kindness to others, his scripture study habits and his feelings on certain media. I purposefully watched him in certain situations. I was impressed that he made it a goal to ask girls out that didn't get asked out normally. He also had a weird 17 date rule which meant he would not kiss a girl until he had dated her 17 times. Since I knew that I would never really know the person that I would marry before I married him I followed the counsel of Luke 16:10 that states "He who is faithful in that which is least will also be faithful in much, He who is unjust in that which was least would also be unjust in much." I looked for the small and simple things that he did and how he treated others and I knew that would tell me what kind of person he was or in which direction he was heading... and in the end I was right.

Despite all these protections 3 months is really a short time to know another person and commit your life/eternity to them. Both of us struggled and there came a point somewhere in the first year where I knelt down and said "This isn't working, I feel done. If there is anything Lord that you can tell me to stop me then please tell me." As I knelt and listened to my thoughts a strange scripture came into my mind that I had read in my daily scripture study some time before. At the time I read it I had no idea the impact that it would be on me. In fact, I barely stopped in thought at all. It was a complete miracle and wonder that I remembered it, or that it was brought back into my remembrance. The thought of the scripture hit me so powerfully that I anxiously grabbed my scriptures and searched through them to find it. I couldn't even remember the setting.

The scripture was Captain Moroni talking to the Chief Judge Pahoran. They had a sharp misunderstanding. Captain Moroni had chastised Pahoran for not feeding his armies and Pahoran wrote back that Kingmen had taken over the capital and were causing all sorts of problems. They came to the agreement that they would focus on the enemy within first and then focus on the enemy without. They decide to focus on "cleansing" the inner vessel first and then cleanse the outer Alma 60-61.

After pouring over these scriptures I then again knelt in prayer asking "What does this mean?" I couldn't wrap my head around the scripture but because of the way it came to my mind I knew it was a message. As I pondered and prayed I realized that I needed to first focus on myself, I needed to do all the small and simple things to perfect myself and to cleanse myself. I needed to read my scriptures fervently each day, I needed to pray with an open heart, I needed to serve and attend my meetings and the temple with more hunger and vigor. If all this didn't improve my situation than I could start to focus on our marriage the outer vessel.

Over the next weeks I took my focus inward. I began to focus on perfecting myself instead of changing him. I am not sure what happened or when it happened but a change did take place on both the inner and outer vessel. Our marriage just got better and better and I would even use the word "bliss" to describe it. We are approaching our 15th year of marriage and I can truly say that I love this man in a way that I never thought possible. It is a deep love cultivated in years of service, forgiveness, patience, faithfulness, good times and bad. He is my best friend and although we don't always see eye to eye we always seem to work it out in the end.

I'm so grateful to the scriptures and the individually tailored role that they play on my life. It is times like this that I just want to proclaim to the world the sweetness of the fruit. It is true I know it because of these moments when I am guided by an unseen hand in ways like this. I'm glad I was able to save my marriage Captain Moroni Style all those years ago!