3 Ways of Mourning With Those Who Mourn
The problem
Sometimes I feel inadequate when trying to help those that mourn or comfort those who stand in need of comfort. It can be hard to know what to offer when we have never experienced another person's type of loss.
Personal examples
I think of my wonderful childhood friend who has always been amazing in every way! She has three beautiful children with special needs. I know that I cannot, in anyway comprehend what she goes through from day to day, second to second. So in not completely understanding her situation how can I support her and comfort her?
I also think of tender friend who lost a child or another friend who suffered a rough marriage. These two experienced things that I will never understand and hope to never know. I see their despair and I feel insecure in my comfort to them. I can't say "I know how you feel." I can't say "Hang in there it will all get better." I have nothing from my own experience to give. So what do I do? How do I keep my baptismal covenant to "mourn with those who mourn." and "comfort those who stand in need to comfort."?
3 Answers in the Scriptures
When reading the scriptures I feel like I found a little insight with the example of Christ. In feeding the 5000 and also in the moment before he raised Lazarus from the dead. We see from his example that he was available, he helped emotionally and also provided physical comfort or substance to those who needed comfort.
Background on feeding the 5000 after John the Baptist died
Christ preformed the miracle with the fish and the loaves a few times. One of these is right after John the Baptist was killed in a brutal way by the order of Herod. The people gathered. They were in mourning. John the Baptist was very loved by his followers.
I think of when President Hinkley died. He was "my" prophet. I had grown extremely close to him, in my own way. He had been the inspired man that I listened to through my late teens and 20s. I had sought his advice through my mission, marriage selection and while braving the struggles that came with a new marriage and little children. I looked to him as I would have a grandfather and more. When he died I was heart broken, crushed. I wanted to drive to Salt Lake City to the services of a man that I never met in person but a man I deeply admired. I watched on TV as multitudes gathered at his viewing and services.
I think of these people who fell in love with John the Baptist, the man who paved the way for the Savior. His followers were heart broken when this loved prophet of the Lord died in such a cruel way. Beheaded by a man who was trying to please a young girl with an evil conspiring mother. So the people gathered and they mourned.
The Solution by Christ's example
He made himself available and made room for them
First Christ made himself available. When he heard the news of John the Baptist he left and went into the wilderness, possibly anticipating the larger crowd that would seek him out for comfort and possibly trying to find a location that would fit over 5,000 people away from the city.
Perhaps when we help those who mourn we can follow Christ's example in what he did here. Maybe one of the greatest gifts that we can give them is that "we are there". That we accommodate them. That we make room for them. That we are available during their heart break. Somehow our presence can help in their mourning. We don't have to fix it, because doing this would rob them of something special. I think of Christ suffering in Getheneme after accepting the will of the Father "Not my will but thy will be done." and the Father sent an angel to strengthen him. Not take away his pain, not take away the atonement that saved us all but a tender mercy from God the Father to have someone there with him (Luke 22:43) Can you imagine how it would have been to be that angel? I can't imagine. But the angel was there. Unlike the disciples who were just a little ways off, and Christ pleaded with them to stay awake and watch for just a little while but they didn't, possibly not realizing what the Savior was going through and overtaken by fatigue. They slept on while their friend suffered the sins of the world, the greatest amount of suffering known to man and immortal. But an angel was there and "strengthened him".
He wept (emotional support)
Despite his knowledge of the resurrection and that John was in a better place I don't read anywhere in which he tells the people that they shouldn't feel sad. We see this with the death of Lazarus. Christ had delayed his coming when he heard that Lazarus was sick and that the "glory of God" might be manifest in him (John 11:4). When he saw Mary and Martha heartbroken and crying he had compassion. It wasn't that he didn't love Lazarus because the scriptures are clear that he did and he knew that he had the power to raise Lazarus from the dead but still Jesus wept. He didn't hide his emotions and shared freely in their tears. Although he knew there was great reason to rejoice he didn't belittle their pain. Perhaps when we tell others not to cry or feel bad during their mourning it may not be helpful and we should support the emotional outpouring that accompanies pain. That emotional outlet is good for them and us.
He fed them when he had nothing or little to give (Physical and other support)
Before they (the apostles and the Savior) sent the crowd of 5000 men (we don't know how many women and children) away they were concerned because the multitude had nothing to eat. He did not want them to faint on the way home. I'm sure some had a great walk ahead of them. So Christ preforms the miracle of the loaves and fishes. The very few loaves and fishes are broken and blessed and passed out to the masses and after all of this there was plenty left over. Baskets full!
So drawing from this personally I think of all the knowledge and sometimes physical resources that I lack to help others in their times of need. Just like the adequate supply of food to feed 5000 or more was missing I feel I lack experience and understanding of what others are going through. For some reason I have thought that in order to truly mourn with others or comfort them I had to know exactly their situation and experienced it in the past but this miracle to me teaches that the Lord provides even when we have very little to draw from. When we are helping others and lack resources or knowledge he will provide us with the spiritual, physical and emotional resources that we need to "feed" those who mourn. Whether it is spiritual, emotional or physical sustenance, the Lord will help us provide. We just need to make ourselves available spiritually and physically in order to tap into this great resource.
So in helping others we can follow the example of the Savior by being available and being both an emotional and physical support to those in need. I know there is a lot more to this subject but I already feel like these passages have helped me and given me a little insight into how I can personally help more. I am so grateful for the scriptures. I know this parallel may not make sense or even apply to others but it has to me.
No comments:
Post a Comment