Our kids will do what we do...plus a little more.

A Brothers Water Quarrel

The other morning my 5 yr and 2 yr old boys were taking a bath. I was standing nearby getting ready for the day. A look of mischief crept across the 5 yr old's face and with one hand he splashed his little brother right in the eyes. He then sat there smiling as his little brother wiped the water out of his eyes. The 2 yr old with a look of determination began splashing his older brother wildly with both hands and also started throwing the nearby bath toys at him. He then leaned back on both hands and used his legs to kick a soaking continuous splash of water at his older brother. The 5 yr old was surprised at this turn of events and started to cry. He was in need of rescue from his little brother. After calming the splash frenzy I tried to teach my 5 yr old son one of life's lessons. I told him "Your little brother will always do what you do, plus a little more."

Before the words even had left my lips I realized it wasn't just a life lesson for my little boy as a big brother, but it was also a life lesson for me as parent. My kids were going to do what I do, plus a little more. For better or for worse.



My Weaknesses...Plus a Little More
I had several scenarios run through my head about my personal example to them. Whether it was my choice of junk food, my connection to technology, my love of running or my attempts to serve others. I wondered which extreme of me that they would do...plus a little more. There were plenty of things that I was not proud of that I hoped they would not mimic but also many things that I did well that I hoped they would do better than me.

This is not to say that all of children's bad choices are a result of parent choices. As human beings and as "agents to ourselves" we are responsible for our own choices but there is somehow a nondeniable influence and responsibility that also lays at the feet of parents. If we do not teach our children what is right then the sins are on our shoulders.

King Noah's Dad
I reflected on the example of Zeniff the father of the wicked King Noah. Zeniff was actually a really good guy who stood up for what he believed in. He was also a righteous king, So why was his son so extremely wicked? King Noah was so wicked. in fact, that he led an entire people to their near destruction and actually caused them to commit "much sin".

So did the apple fall far from the tree here? Was King Noah completely different from his father or was Zeniff somehow responsible for King Noah's behavior? A friend once pointed out to me that Zeniff by his own admission was "Over zealous to inhert the land of his Fathers." So much that he was blinded to the important things that a king or soon to be king should't be blind to. This over zealousness caused the enslavement of his own people and it is possible that it may have caused a lack of focus in other areas. Although we may never know and it isn't our place to judge others around us we can draw out and ponder information like this from the scriptures. In doing this my friend pondered the question of whether or not Zeniff's overzealous tendency somehow translated to King Noah's choices. He presented the question of "As a parent what are my tendencies or focuses and how will they affect my children?"

Self Evaluation...Plus a Little More
What are our addictions, or overzealous behaviors that are causing or will cause our children to do what we do... plus a little more? Is it our physical addictions to substances, lack of religiosity or heavy handed treatment of our children? Is it our defiance of the law, obsession with physical appearance, disorganization or frivolous spending? If our children are to do what we do and a little more what would that look like?

The closer we are to the center, or when our lives are centered on Christ then hopefully the further our children will be to the outer edge of this circle. When we focus on improving ourselves we really do improve the possibilities for our children.

Again this is not to say that parents are responsible for all of their children's choices. Agency is part of our eternal identity and it is possible for exceptional parents to have children that stray. It's never okay to judge another's circumstance based on these assumptions but this is an opportunity for self reflection within our own parenting. As a principle I believe that it is possible that our children will do what we do-plus a little more. That our tendencies can turn into behaviors, beliefs and influences that greatly affect our children.

Just as my little 2 yr old took his splashing to an extreme after seeing the example of his older brother I have to ask myself "What examples are my children seeing in me. And what would that look like...plus a little more?"